Nightmare Evolution

I don’t have the recurrent nightmare about showing up naked to a public event; I don’t know what fear it represents, but I’m not susceptible to it. Ramona’s had the naked dream on my behalf a few times (“OMG, why is Kaizerin standing there without her pants on?!”), whatever that may say about her fears for me.

No, my recurrent nightmare is “It’s finals time, and I haven’t been to class all semester! I don’t even remember what classes I enrolled in!” It’s less frequent than it once was, but still has the power to bring me awake with my heart pounding. I had it again a few nights ago, and to my great unease, it has mutated. This time, I was feeling smug, because it was finals time, and I knew my subjects down pat. I was totally ready to dive into the exams, completely confident of my abilities, and had a moment of lucidity in which I thought, “This is so much better than all the other times. I’m ready!” But then, the twist! It occurred to me that this was the end of the first semester of my senior year of college, so I had one semester left to finish a degree program. Was I in a degree program? Had I taken enough classes in any one subject to earn a degree? What I had I been studying, anyway? Where was my transcript? Who was my advisor? What was I doing with my life?? Aughh! Cue Kaizerin jumping awake, heart pounding.

Apparently, final exams have lost their power to frighten””I have been out of college an absurdly long time now””so the darn thing evolved to a new level of terror. What’s the plan, Kaizerin? Do you have one? Are you following it? What are you doing with your life?

My best guess–and worst fear–is that my subconscious has started the countdown to 40, and this is the first salvo of a midlife crisis. But really, how gauche. Augh!

This entry was posted in Remainders and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Nightmare Evolution

  1. Corvus says:

    *eltrohc*

    I had my first two consciously remembered anxiety dreams in quite some time this week. Both took pretty familiar themes, but I managed to derail them before they were over so they were more irritating than panic-making.

    I had those same style of school dreams all through my twenties and early thirties, thanks to not attending higher education until late in life.

  2. CountessZ says:

    My big recurring fear dream typically involves me accidentally killing somebody or being there when they die or finding them dead or nearly dead. I always end up panicking and hiding the body or am convinced by somebody that it makes sense to hide the body, thus, even though I am not guilty of anything, I end up making myself look tremendously guilty. There are different variations on it from time to time, but that is the general theme. It took me a long time to realize that this was all about being angry and feeling guilty about it.

  3. kaizerin says:

    Wow, that’s intense! I guess I’ll take my unprepared-for-exams dreams and be happy.

  4. Ramona the Dreamer says:

    Corvus doesn’t share the subject(s) of his nightmarishes. Wonder what they are?
    Kai – your analysis makes sense – the countdown to the big 4-0, “What am I/have I doing/done with my life. But what about my recurrent dreams of you being pregnant? 😉

  5. kaizerin says:

    Umm…”hope springs eternal”? 🙂

    PS: Welcome back! How was NoDak?

  6. Ramona says:

    According to Kathy Reichs (“Bones”) in ‘Death Du Jour’, when you “must take an exam but have never attended the class”, it is all about anxiety.
    Yes! I have a new author to work my way through. (Plus I have the tv version on Tuesdays.) Harry Potter is just going to have to wait a while longer.
    P.S. Are the halloween costumes ready? And you are going as???? Are the Kaizerin and the Countess coordinating, complimenting, or clashing????

  7. Ramona says:

    According to Kathy Reichs (“Bones”) in ‘Death Du Jour’, when you “must take an exam but have never attended the class”, it is all about anxiety.
    Yes! I have a new author to work my way through. (Plus I have the tv version on Tuesdays.) Harry Potter is just going to have to wait a while longer.
    P.S. Are the halloween costumes ready? And you are going as???? Are the Kaizerin and the Countess coordinating, complimenting, or clashing????

  8. Ramona says:

    According to Kathy Reichs (“Bones”) in ‘Death Du Jour’, when you “must take an exam but have never attended the class”, it is all about anxiety.
    Yes! I have a new author to work my way through. (Plus I have the tv version on Tuesdays.) Harry Potter is just going to have to wait a while longer.
    P.S. Are the halloween costumes ready? And you are going as???? Are the Kaizerin and the Countess coordinating, complimenting, or clashing????

  9. CountessZ says:

    I think the Halloween costumes took a back seat to practicality. Too much to get done in a short amount of time. But I have vowed that next year involves dressing up. I still may pull something together today, but we’ll see.

  10. kaizerin says:

    Yes, between the cross-country flight and the plans for a night out at the pub, we decided we couldn’t go too elaborate on the costumes. I have a simply stunning froo-froo witch’s hat, and will wear a black dress and cape, so there’s the suggestion of character, without full-on costumery.

    But next year…oh, next year, watch out for robo-ninja-HelloKitties and Flying Spaghetti Monsters and hmmm…I have a notion of a Frida Kahlo/Dia de los Muertos costume…

  11. kaizerin says:

    Oh and Ramona, let me know if I should work the Kathy Reichs books into the mix. I’m currently communing with Brother Cadfael in the 12th century, but I can always pop back to modern times, as necessary. 🙂

  12. Ramona says:

    Kathy is an interesting and easy read. I started on second book as first was checked out. I expect her to get even better as the novels progress.
    I did read some of the Bro Cad reviews. May add her to my future reading list.
    Frida Kahlo – oh, yeah. Great idea for costuming.
    Those PA people must be hyped for flight. I will be thinking of you all – enjoying your good times vicariously.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *