Zombie Attack!

Corvus, my clever sweetie, posted a fun meme over at Man Bytes Blog centered around one of my favorite topics–zombies! Obviously I couldn’t resist.

Here is the setup–you are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon
2. One song blasting on the speakers
3. One famous person to fight alongside you

Per my usual, I have been totally obsessing about the perfect scenario, but in the end I just couldn’t settle on one. So, here are a few of the themed variations I came up with.

Theme #1–Fictional Scenario

--Weapon: The Scythe
Mystical weapon wielded by the slayer, possessing enough mojo to unleash all the power of the potentials? Yeah, I want this for fighting anything undead.

Song: Can You Picture That by Dr. Teeth and the Electic Mayhem
There are a lot fictional bands to choose from, a few that crossed my mind or were suggested to me include–The Wayouts (Flintstones), Spinal Tap (But mine goes to 11), Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution (There’s no “I” in Temocil, at least not where you’d think…), The Monkees, The Folksmen, and of course Dingoes Ate My Baby (Buffy), but in the end I have to go with a classic childhood fav.

--Famous Person: Ripley from the Alien series
Undoubtedly my all-time favorite sci-fi hero, and damn does that woman know how to survive. I’m also banking on being smart enough to listen to whatever she tells me to do, so I might actually have a chance of making it too.

Theme #2–The Bad-Ass Scenario

--Weapon: Katana
In my bad-ass scenario, I’m strong enough to sever heads with a sharp, Japanese sword. I wanted to stay away from anything requiring ammunition. I’m not a great shot, and inevitably you run out of bullets long before you run out of zombies.

Song: Kick It by Peaches (featuring Iggy Pop)
Go watch the video. It speaks for itself.

Famous Person: Alan Moore
--Alan Moore might be the only living person who could put fear into the unbeating hearts of the walking dead, and also, he can probably pull an alternate reality out of thin air, providing a convenient escape route. At the very least, he’d make me understand why the zombies were going to win. Also, kicking undead ass with Alan Moore? Oh yes. I am so there.

Theme #3–What Would Probably Happen

--Weapon: Mannequin Limb
So I’m in a mall, right? My choice of weapons is going to be limited. Best case scenario? There is a sporting goods store and I get to grab a golf club. But knowing me, I am nowhere near the sporting goods store. I figure I probably grab the nearest thing I can actually swing. Enter the mannequin. I’d prefer a leg, but I bet it’s easier to pull an arm off one of those things.

Song: Kenny G
You people have been to malls, right? If you’re not listening to shitty muzak renditions of soft rock favorites, they are playing Kenny G. Or, if the Universe really hates me, which, hello zombie apocalypse, chances are pretty good that the Universe is not on my side, it will be Michael Bolton.

Famous Person: Britney Spears
The type of famous people who are going to be at a mall is pretty limited these days. I am thinking that you would be more likely to encounter someone like Britney, or maybe Pamela Anderson, or Richard Simmons. I am going with Britney because maybe some of her new-found crazy will come in handy.

Theme #4–My Dream Geekish Scenario

Weapon: Chemistry Set
--You know, so we can lock ourselves in one of the stores and invent a cure.

Song: Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton
If you’re going to be attacked by zombies, don’t you want to find it wryly humorous? Also, the man went to all the trouble of writing the soundtrack for this exact situation, why on earth wouldn’t you use it?

Famous Person: William Shatner
I am assuming this needs no explanation. If it does, well, he is William Shatner and, I’ll let him explain for himself:

That’s the end of my fun. For now. Feel free to join in via the comments or on your own blog…

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2 Responses to Zombie Attack!

  1. kaizerin says:

    Hah hah hah HAH HAH HAH! I saw the meme and was completely frozen by the vast array of options (something that’s becoming more and more of an issue for me). I love your solution–and your scenarios!

  2. Corvus says:

    Guess you found Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem on the KaiPod this morning, eh Countess?

    “I’m a conduit of the ancient forces of nature.” Priceless!

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